Keeping their motors running

More people willing to seek advise on enhancing their sex lives, Yang Wanli reports in Beijing.迷你倉最平 'They've all got little quirks, like cars. Some you've got to jiggle the key in the ignition. Some ride hot. Some need a jump-start. But they've all got wheels. You just need to know which pedal to push." Those lines are dialogue from the popular US TV drama Masters of Sex, the story of two 1960s pioneers of sexual therapy. However, in China — a country often seen by Westerners as sexually conservative or even intolerant of women's enjoyment of sex — the pioneers are only just getting into their stride and are stepping out to explore the secrets of sex and the pleasure they expect to gain from it, and all without shame. "A client in her 40s came to me a few days ago. She asked why she can't attain orgasm every time she has sex, and then only in certain positions. Clients looking to improve their sex lives now account for 20 to 30 percent of my clients," said Ma Li, a psychosexual therapist in Shanghai. Ma began offering part-time psychosexual consultations in 2004. Earlier this year, she opened her therapy center on a full-time basis while she is studying to obtain a license from the American College of Sex. Around 20 clients, mostly women, consult her every month. "Many of the clients who turned to me 10 years ago believed themselves to be cranks. Some only felt sexually excited in public, while others had a fascination with certain parts of the body, such as the feet. That sort of thing is quite acceptable now, but it wasn't at that time. Almost all of those clients were men," she said. People's attitudes to sex have changed in recent years, though. An increasing number of women are visiting Ma's clinic in downtown Shanghai to seek advice or therapy. They range from women in their 20s who want to know how to deal with their "first time", to long-married wives who are unable to achieve orgasm. Last week, Ma was visited by a woman who had never experienced an orgasm during 30 years of marriage. The therapist explained a few "self-help" techniques and when the woman tried them she was able to achieve climax. "It was the first time she had ever experienced the feeling. She was laughing, but crying too. I felt a mixture of happiness and bitterness, but I was still pleased. At least, she decided to try. Better late than never, I suppose," she said. High sex drive On average, Chinese people have sex nine times a month, the highest frequency rate among nine countries in the Asia-Pacific region, according to the 2013 Asia-Pacific Sexual Behaviors and Satisfaction Survey published in May. Conducted by Kantar Health and commissioned by the pharmaceutical company Menarini, more than 3,500 men and women were surveyed across nine countries, including Australia, China, South Korea, Malaysia and Thailand. The survey indicated that three in four people in the region desired sex more frequently and at 84 percent, the urge was higher among males than females, at 69 percent. However, the figure for Chinese women, 96 percent, was far higher than the regional averages for either men or women. Statistics from Maple Women's Psychological Consulting Center in Beijing show that the number of calls asking for advice on sexual problems was 497 in the January to November period, a rise from the 299 calls the center received in 1996. Na Lixin, director of the hotline department, said that most calls involve questions such as: "Why does my husband have affairs?" or "I've fallen in love with another man, what shall I do?" "Many clients who approach me with those kinds of questions have poor sex lives with their spouses," said Ma. "To be frank, around 60 percent of Chinese couples who divorce blame the separation on 'character conflict', but what they really have is 'sexual conflict'." Fading pleasure Chen Song, 52, has been bothered by his wife's dour attitude toward sex for decades. "She sticks to one position — missionary — which satisfied me when I was in my 20s and new to sex, but in the 30 years we've been together she's refused to change or experiment. The pleasure has gradually faded. Now, we only have sex once a month, sometimes less," he said. Chen said his wife's attitude is typical of Chinese women that she feels ashamed to be open and aggressive in sexual matters, Additionally, after having a baby — the most important life task for many Chinese women — her interest in sex waned dramatically. While awareness of the importance of a good sex life is growing among many well-educated, financially independent women, there are still plenty who regard it as a matter of "opening their legs and delivering a boy", according to Ma. In May, Tong Songzhen, a sex therapist from Taiwan, was invited to run a sexual therapy center at a hospital in Wuhan, Hubei province. In Tong's experience, many Chinese women are reluctant to discuss sexual matters unless circumstances force them to confront the issue. "Women are unlikely to turn to sex therapy unless their poor sex life has resulted in other problems," she said. Most of Tong's patients complained about functional problems, such as premature ejaculation or vaginismus, a condition that affects the ability to engage in vaginal penetration, and sought her advice because the problems had resulted in what they believed to be infertility. "But nearly 90 percent were not physically ill; their problems were psychological," she said. "Many women feel too ashamed to learn about sex from the elder generation and there's also a lack of communication between couples," she said. "Most of those couples see sex as a 'mechanical movement', rather than a skilled, joyful experience." Both Tong and Ma have c迷你倉unseled couples that had never had successful intercourse, sometimes even five or six years into their marriages. Some didn't know the basic mechanics of the act, while others had psychological blocks. Tong once asked a woman who had been married for five years but had never had sexual intercourse to touch her husband's genitals. "Can you imagine? She threw up," she said. In Tong's experience, couples in Taiwan turn to sex therapists or consultants as a last resort before filing for divorce, "but many couples on the Chinese mainland ask doctors to solve sexual problems that have already eaten away at the emotional bond between them", she said. Faking it "My husband can't satisfy me sexually, what shall I do?" "I pretend to orgasm every time I have sex with my boyfriend. What's the problem?" Questions such as this appear regularly on Chinese online forums, including Douban and Tianya. In a survey conducted for a Chinese women's magazine in 2012, 50 percent of the 100,000 respondents felt their partners occasionally coerced them into sexual activity, even when they were unwilling, and nearly 60 percent admitted that they faked orgasm. "Many Chinese women have questions or even problems in their sex lives. An increasing number want to make changes but find it difficult to learn how to do so because sex therapists and consultants aren't officially recognized on the Chinese mainland, except for a very small number who studied and gained certificates overseas," said Ma Xiaonian, vice-chair of the China Sexology Association. Obstetricians and gynecologists in China are only responsible for the physical health of their patients, and the treatment of psychosexual problems can take a long time because the doctors and patients need to establish a bond of trust. In addition, it's almost impossible for psychologists who aren't trained in psychosexual matters to offer effective therapy, according to Ma Xiaonian. "Many women turn to their obstetricians or psychologists for advice, only to be told, 'Share your feelings with your husband more' or even, 'Don't think about it too much. Marriage is about companionship,'" he said. Faced with a dearth of solutions, some women are searching for answers elsewhere. In 2012, the association interviewed women in beauty salons and massage parlors and discovered that many were happy to unburden themselves and discuss their problems with members of staff. "The circumstances relaxed them and they found it easier to open up. Psychosexual problems are not the sort of illnesses that should be always cured in the hospital with busy, serious physicians," Ma said. In 2010, the association attempted to persuade the Ministry of Human Resources to list sex therapist and sex consultant as regular jobs, but the request was turned down. "They said that only trained physicians can be given that job title," he said. "But in other countries, such as the UK and the US, sex therapists gain certification through the colleges and schools in which they train, or through national associations." Conventional measures Chen said his wife's lack of interest in sex led him to look for other ways to obtain the satisfaction he craved. In the past seven years, he has had seven different sexual partners, all but one of them married or in a long-term relationship. The exception was a woman in her 20s, who wanted to lose her virginity to an experienced man so she would have a "less painful first time". One of Chen's partners refused to sleep with her husband to punish him for having a string of affairs during her pregnancy. "She had the desire for sex but couldn't accept her husband. However, by having sex with me, she settled the score between them and she was able to have sex with her husband again," he said. He said the relationships have no emotional element, but are simply about sex. "It benefits both of our families. We are more tolerant to our partners and are sexually satisfied. I even think I'm almost a sex therapist now," he said. However, Shang Dalei, a socio-philosopher, said affairs like those in which Chen engages erode values and the resolution of psychosexual problems should be left to the professionals. "The more tolerance he (Chen) gains for his sex life outside marriage, the more he will lose faith in marriage and his basic commitment to his wife will falter," said Shang. To regulate the profession and improve people's sex lives, Ma Xiao-nian said his association will standardize training courses for therapists and consultants in March. The courses will be aimed at psychologists and physicians, who will be accredited by the association if they pass the course exam. "That's good news for people with psychosexual problems. They can turn to professional therapists instead of massage girls," said Ma, the therapist in Shanghai. "Moreover, it may stop frustrated men from visiting prostitutes or having casual sex outside marriage." Contact the writer at yangwanli@chinadaily.com.cn Many Chinese women have questions or even problems in their sex lives. An increasing number want to make changes but find it difficult to learn how to do so because sex therapists and consultants aren't officially recognized on the Chinese mainland, except for a very small number who studied and gained certificates overseas." Ma Xiaonian vice-chair of the China Sexology Association 9 average number of times, Chinese people have sex per month — the highest frequency rate among nine countries in the Asia-Pacific region — according to a Kantar Health survey 69 percent of women across the Asia-Pacific region said they desired sex more frequently 96 percent of Chinese women said they desired sex more frequently mini storage